闺蜜第一次做饭，我暗下决心，无论什么味道，我都要吃的一干二净，但是就在我将筷子伸向一只螃蟹时，它夹住了我的筷子……

大家有认识抓妖的道士吗？我可能被猪妖附身了，胖了十多斤，价格面谈。

Does anyone know the Taoist who catches the demon? I may be possessed by the pig demon. I've gained more than ten jin.

你知道流星为啥划得这么快吗？因为它根本就不想知道你的愿望。

Do you know why the meteor flies so fast? Because it doesn't want to know your wish at all.

饭后吃水果是错误的观念，正确的做法是饭前，否则可能被别人吃了。

It is a wrong idea to eat fruit after a meal. The correct way is to eat it before a meal, otherwise it may be eaten by others.

有些人，月薪几千块，花钱的时候却像个亿万富翁，比如我。

Some people make thousands of yuan a month and spend money like a billionaire, like me.

我曾经跨过山河大海，却跨不过食堂人山人海。

I once crossed mountains and rivers, but I couldn't cross the sea of people in the canteen.

真的很讨厌那种动不动就说悄悄话的电视剧，我就想知道，到底有什么是我们这些vip不能听得？

I really hate the kind of TV series that like to whisper. I just want to know what is that VIP like us can't listen to.

当你步入社会的时候，你会发现，你拼不了爹妈，你只能拼多多。

When you enter the society, you will find that your parents can't compare with others, you can only use pinduoduo.

我就不明白了，我的脸，手臂，屁股，大腿都能和脂肪成为很要好的朋友，咋就胸这么不合群呢？

I don't understand why my face, arms, buttocks, thighs and fat can become very good friends, not only the chest.

你们觉得，那种长得帅，大长腿，锁骨明显，有肌肉，手很骨感还细长，成绩好又体贴的男生，他会喜欢女生吗？

图源来自网络，侵权立删！